Men's restroom etiquette

I was speaking the other day with a lady about the restrooms in a convenience store in Trenton. For years, this particular store's restrooms had been ATROCIOUS; they were absolute hell-holes. I remember well when people sneaked into the restroom to smoke crack and other illicit substances -- and that wasn't the worst smell that seemed always to pervade the rooms... Recently, however, the store's been undergoing a major renovation. Along with the rest of the store, the restrooms have been completely redone. They are now sparklingly clean, pristine, lovely, a wonder to behold in a small town like Trenton. This conversation about the restrooms in the convenience store led to a conversation on bathroom etiquette -- especially among men.

I know that this topic has been covered by numerous bloggers and pundits on the web, but I thought I'd give my take on this most delicate and important subject.

Men's restrooms are magical. They are like the fortress of solitude. On entering a restroom, all men become blind deaf mutes. We see nothing. We hear nothing. We do not speak. A roaring conversation can be continued down the hall to the restroom but once we pass the solemn thresh-hold of the lavatory, we become as monks sworn to silence. At most, we might communicate with a grunt, a nod of recognition, but more commonly, nothing is said, no one's presence is acknowledged. It's as if you become an island of your own in the restroom. Eye contact is strictly avoided -- but more importantly, we don't really look *anywhere*. Focus on the task at hand, as it were, and move along. Keep your head down, your hands to yourself and no one gets hurt.

I had the privilege (I guess) of sharing the restroom with a recently re-elected governor several months ago. It was one of the strangest experiences of my life -- I'm an outgoing person, I talk to everyone. He's much the same way, after all, he's a politician. Though we were almost side-by-side (there was one empty urinal between us), I didn't even recognize that he was in the restroom until the attendant (this was a swanky affair) became confused as to who he should offer soap (as we arrived at the sinks at the exact same moment). Of course, I let the governor go first.

There are dozens of resources detailing proper bathroom etiquette available on the internet... Here's an excerpt from the International Center for Bathroom Etiquette:

To choose the middle of three urinals is to commit an act of pure, unadulterated selfishness, and for it one should be ashamed. Instead, one should immediately proceed the the end urinal which is furthest from the door, or alternatively, best smelling.

What are your thoughts about restroom etiquette?

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