I'm a director of the local Chamber of Commerce -- I enjoy the opportunity to better my community and promote commerce and good business practices. Our Chamber offices recently moved to a new location and I attended the grand opening this afternoon. Being "election season" there were, of course, dignitaries of all stripe in attendance. I had the opportunity to talk to lots of interesting people and shake lots of sweaty hands (it was near 100 degrees outside today and the A/C isn't really up to par in the new building).
I talked for quite a long time with a person who's been employed in some capacity in the governing of our county for the better part of 40 years. A wealth of information, very helpful any time you want to get anything done. She shared a few stories, anecdotes really, from her time in various county government offices.
What kind of check?There was a local counseling center that operated in the basement of the County Health Department. People could come in and talk to psychologists or psychiatrists about their problems -- for free or very little money. The story is told that a lady arrived and requested an appointment with a psychiatric professional. She met with the doctor and complained that she just couldn't satisfy her husband. After some conversation, the doctor recommended a "vaginal check" before their next meeting. She agreed and left. Several weeks later, the lady returned and complained that she still was having trouble. The doctor queried her, "Did you get the vaginal check?"
"No!" she replied, "and I've been checking the mailbox every day!"
I want a refund ... An elderly couple made their way to the courthouse for a marriage license and a short ceremony by the judge. The lady working in the County Clerk's office noticed, while issuing the license, that the gentleman was somewhat hard-of-hearing as, when she asked him, "Would you please sign?" he replied that it was 3 o'clock. The couple was duly married and left, presumably, to begin their life of wedded bliss together.
A few weeks later the elderly gentleman returned to the County Clerk's office and told the deputy clerk that he'd like a refund! "A refund?" asked the clerk. "Yes," said the old man, "she don't give me none!"
She was taken aback -- no one had ever asked for a refund for a marriage license after he had been married in the courthouse! She scurried off to the County Clerk who laughed and walked from her office to speak with the old man. "Sir," said the clerk in her most serious tone, "you can't have a refund because the marriage wasn't consummated." He stared at her for several long moments with furrowed brow as he processed her response. Finally, he drew a deep breath, slammed his palm on the counter and said, "Dammit woman, I ain't constipated and I don't know what that has to do with anything anyhow. I want a refund!"
