Nose hair and the men who have it...

I spent the day with a young guy who’s studying to be an engineer. That’s not really relevant except that it might explain why he doesn’t care about his nose hair. It’s possible that he just doesn’t notice; engineers are a rare breed.

This guy’s nasal hair is AMAZING! It’s like a little spider or something sitting on each side of his nostril. I can’t imagine breathing with something like that growing out of my breathing holes. Surely he can feel it; surely it interferes with his eating! I won’t say it’s disgusting, but it’s certainly distracting. I can’t look at him without staring at his nose. Dark black wiry hair.

Of course, he also has a scraggly, unkempt beard. I don’t know what’s going on — even when I had a beard, it was either really scruffy (but full) or neatly trimmed. His beard doesn’t look good scruffy ‘cause it’s not thick enough. Again, dark black wiry hair.

I’ve only recently had to become concerned about nose hair. Patrick, my former roommate, grew a forest if he didn’t keep it trimmed. Tori and Allison even gave him a trimmer especially for his nose a few Christmases ago. I had no such worries; I still don’t worry much. I only get the occasional straggler that is quickly plucked out.

If you see a little friend, a blondish tendril, peaking out of my nose, please let me know. I don’t want to be the object of conversation.

Technorati Tags:nose hair, grooming, appearance

How the bestsellers end...

It seems bestsellers always end up with someone (or several people) dying. It’s true for Harry Potter, certainly. I’ll not spoil it — my friend Matt’s already been cursing me ‘cause I inadvertently gave up some plot details.

Now, I’ll not tell you how it ends, but you’ll be surprised and pleased, I think. I managed to snag a copy and I’ve read the highlights… you need to either read the book or wait for the move (which is sure to be a block-buster).

I will, however, fill you in on the details of another bestseller.  Yeah, Jesus dies. But he comes back. Don’t mean to spoil it for you, but if you’ve missed that, you’re kinda out of touch anyway.

Before you get to bitching about my comparing the Bible and Harry Potter think for a moment: More people will read Harry Potter cover-to-cover this year than will read the Bible (perhaps at all). I’m not kidding and you know I’m right.

I just finished an excellent biography of Winston Churchill by Roy Jenkins that included more than 1000 pages of small print. If I can read this thing cover-to-cover, why not the Bible? I dunno; I’ve a flawed character — even though I’m the perfect man.

Technorati Tags:Harry Potter, Jesus, Bible, Spoiler

I was a 4 year old pageant king

No, I wasn’t a 4 year old pageant king, but I know kids who were. Though I’m not sure I agree with the practice, I can see little girls in beauty pageants; not so little boys. Can you imagine facing the bullies at pre-school? It can’t be good for one’s self image: If you win, you think you’re amazing, if you lose, you think you suck. Tweenage boys don’t need to reflect on their life on the pageant circuit; they’ve got enough trouble with emerging hormones and blossoming sexuality.

I’ll confess, I’ve been to beauty pageants. Hell, I’ve JUDGED a beauty pageant. I judged little toddling boys, too, I’ll tell you. It was tough and I thought they should all get a trophy, a sharp pointed trophy they could use to attack their mothers when they’re old enough to figure out that their mothers started their sissification far too young. I was hoping one of them would bite his mother but alas, no.

I dunno. My friend Liz was in a pageant a last year I think. It was a small, local thing and she won. She got to ride in a parade and preside over the opening ceremonies of several community events. She also got to sell t-shirts at a “memorabilia stand”.

For those of you interested in the pageant life, I refer you to the excellent movie, Drop Dead Gorgeous. While satirical, it highlights some of the sillier aspects of pageantry.

 

Technorati Tags:beauty pageants , children, abuse

The "Toot-N-Tell-It" effect -- at an end?

Toot N Tell It
Originally uploaded by Mrs Soop.

The Daily Beacon

The Tennessee General Assembly recently passed anti-smoking legislation that will prohibit smoking in public places effective Oct. 1.

The Senate version of the bill was among the strictest in the country, banning smoking in any enclosed public area, until the Tennessee House of Representatives added several exemptions to the ban, excusing age-restricted venues, private clubs and smoking rooms in hotels, among others.

I had lunch at Joe and Deanna's with my dad today. I noticed a sign on the door that said, "State Law: Effective October 27 we will be a non-smoking establishment." It was a hand-lettered sign and I was pleased to see that they spelled all the word correctly.

This got me to thinking about our other eatery in Dyer: the "Toot-N-Tell-It". For as long as I've can remember (even before they moved) people have talked about the "Toot-N-Tell-It effect" or the "Toot-N-Tell-It scours". It's a certain laxative effect that one experiences upon dining at said establishment. It's not the food, I guarantee, for if you get take out or have catered food, you don't experience that special feeling.

I surmise that the effect is generated by vaporized grease, cigarette smoke, and something else undefined (perhaps burnt hair or something). It's special, the odor one carries on one's person when one leaves the Toot. People KNOW you've been there -- and you know you've been there after about an hour because of the special rumbling down below.

I am eagerly waiting to see if the removal of cigarette smoke from the equation leads to a lessening of "the effect". We shall see. Let me know what you think!

Technorati Tags:Toot N Tell It, Dyer, TN, smoking ban, Tennessee

Nice guys finish last... a rant

I was listening earlier today to Green Day's song "Nice Guys Finish Last". It's not really about the "nice guy" as I think about it, but it did get me thinking.

I am the classic "nice guy". Fu-Zu Jen wrote an interesting "tribute" to nice guys for the Wharton Undergraduate Journal that accurately characterizes nice guys. You should read it. It's not terribly long. It's some stuff I've not thought about.

She says, in part:

The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores. This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl’s every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style.
...
This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once they’re at her door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don’t end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.

I've quoted far too much of her writing, but it's dead-on. Nice guys get screwed -- and not in the good way. Nice guys end up with women who use and abuse them, who leave them standing on the side of the road wondering what the hell ever happened.

The problem with nice guys, according to the heartless bitches at Heartless Bitches International is, "... that Nice Guys don't like themselves." I don't think that's true, at least for all the nice guys I know. I like myself just fine; I'm caring, passionate, confident (most of the time), successful.

I'm sick and tired of being the perfect man, of being the person that women compare their exes too when they're explaining why it doesn't work out ("Yeah, Nathan, he's not like you... You never treat me like that... Bubba and I didn't communicate like you and I do, Nathan.") I'm sick and tired of it, but I don't know what to do about it.

I make the mistake of trying to be friends. Excuse the f'ing sh*t out of me, but doesn't it make sense to see if you can tolerate or stand a person before you try to jump into some relationship with them? Except it rarely works that way: When a woman finds out who you are (this wonderful person), they end up wanting to STAY friends. I understand that I am not attracted to every woman I befriend; I understand that every woman isn't attracted to me, but DAMN, it seems like once you become a FRIEND, the freaking door is slammed shut and the key is melted down. Why does it have to be that way? Why don't nice guys ever get a chance?

Women SAY they want a nice guy, but NICE GUYS are like Amos Hart from the musical Chicago:

Cellophane
Mister Cellophane
Shoulda been my name
Mister Cellophane
'Cause you can look right through me
Walk right by me
And never know I'm there...

Yeah, Nice Guys are like Amos -- Mr. Cellophane -- you look right through us, walk right past us all the while saying you're looking for someone just like us... But that's not what women want -- at least not until they've grown and learned... and still maybe never.

There's little to be done about, it seems. The world needs nice guys and we're a happy lot, for the most part. Nice guys make the world go 'round. You need us to cry on, to call on, to support you when you're not sure of yourself. We'll just keep being nice and taking the small slights and bearing the little pains silently.

Now, before I get a torrent of flaming hate-mail scented with womens perfume, I know that I have been the "nice guy" to some of you reading this. Yeah, I know you read my blog -- you've told me. You've even told me how sweet it is sometimes, the stuff I write about you and other women. I'm not gonna stop being your nice guy; it's who I am and you know I can't change. I just thought I needed to get this off my chest... I don't mean to offend, but LISTEN, for whatever good it will do.

Technorati Tags:nice guys, relationships, romance, rant

How other people deal with door-to-door idiots...

I read the best of Craigslist occasionally. Funny stuff, sometimes. I came across particularly funny post tonight that I identify with:

best of craigslist : Door to door religious idiots:

"Still out of breath from the fight, sweating, covered in scratches and blood and hair, and carrying a nail trimming tool in one hand, I fling open the door. The picture-perfect charismatic family has decided to let the little girl be the front man. She looks to be about eight years old. She's standing on the front porch, while Mom, Dad, and Little Brother - about five - are standing a few feet back on the walkway. I grit my teeth in my best Dirty Harry impression, look directly at the little girl, and say, 'Yes?' "

I wrote about my own manner of dealing with random people ringing my bell a few months ago. Perhaps I should get some fake blood.

Protestant churches aren't "churches"?

Vatican: Non-Catholics 'wounded' by not recognizing pope - CNN.com

"Despite the fact that this teaching has created no little distress ... it is nevertheless difficult to see how the title of 'Church' could possibly be attributed to them,"
...
The document said the Council's opening to other faiths recognized there were "many elements of sanctification and truth" in other Christian denominations, but stressed only Catholicism had all the elements to be Christ's Church fully.

Wow. I have great respect for the Roman Catholic church and its role in the history of faith and its role in contemporary evangelism... BUT... how short-sighted, how narrow-minded, how amazingly dumb public relations.

Yes, I know that Vatican II had quite a bit to say about "other" churches, but it was vague and handy -- at least we could imagine that there were other "windows" to faith. This is out-and-out condemnation of Protestantism.


Technorati Tags: Vatican, Protestant Churches, religion, news, rediculous

The price of freedom

Let every nation know, whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe to assure the survival and the success of liberty.
--John F. Kennedy, Inaugural Address 1961

I went to the patriotic cantata presented by our local community choir Sunday afternoon. It was well done; we're blessed with talent in our little community. I wish I could have participated this year, but I simply didn't have the time or the emotional fortitude to devote to several months of practice.

One of the songs they sang was "The Price of Freedom". It's a touching song about how, throughout history, men have given their lives for freedom. Throughout the song, they showed slides of local servicemen from World War I to the present. I'll be honest: I got choked up looking at some of the faces. Some were killed in action, some have returned to our community, and some are serving NOW. I was stuck by how many of the faces I know personally and even how many are of "my generation".

Off the top of my head, here are the folks I can think of who are or will serve our country "from my generation": Tom M., John O., Katie M., Jonathan F., Brandon B., Nathan G., and I know there are others. Who did I forget? Tell me!

I will not debate the rightness of the conflicts in which our nation is currently engaged. It is enough to say that we are fighting for liberty in parts of the world where liberty may be sorely lacking. It is enough to say that the folks I listed above are fighting in our names for the ideals of freedom and liberty that we must embrace if we call ourselves Americans.

Let's give thanks, as we approach Independence Day, for those who have been willing to risk the ultimate sacrifice to preserve our way of life, to uphold the ideals of freedom and liberty that America represents.

Happy July 4.

Technorati Tags:freedom, liberty, sacrifice, America, Independence Day, July 4

Justin describes the tornado

Justin describes the tornado -- using sound effects, role-play, flashbacks, and interpretative dance.



We have far too much time on our hands.

Technorati Tags:funny, tornado, role-play

Consequences and Repercussions

Choices are interesting things. We choose what to eat, we choose where to go, where to live, who to hang out with, what to wear, what to watch on television. We make hundreds of choices every day, certainly.

Choices have consequences and repercussions.

We often analyze our what we consider *big* choices and weigh the "pros and cons". We often do not analyze "every day" choices -- we just decide and move on.

What I forget is that ALL choices have consequences and repercussions. I may choose what I believe is the right thing for me and, if I choose correctly, the outcome will be largely positive. Regardless, all choices have consequences and repercussions -- sometimes these consequences and repercussions may be unpleasant or disagreeable to me.

You, too, have made choices which were likely the right choices for you, but those choices have consequences and repercussions which may have been disagreeable. Think for a moment on choices you've made, perhaps without considering the total outcome. Are you satisfied with the results? Do the pros outweigh the cons?

Some choices can be made over. Some cannot. We must be prepared to live with the consequences of our choices.

Choices involving people are the hardest to make again. Take, for example, "first impressions": we're told you only get one chance to make a good first impression. People make choices, judgments about us based on their impressions of us. It's hard, for me, to overcome my first impression of someone.

People are unpredictable. When our choices involve people, we cannot often accurately gauge their response our their subsequent behavior. I very infrequently make "final" choices about people. My friends say I sit on the fence about too many things, but I think, as concerns people, you can't sit on the fence enough. Taking extreme, precipitate action which binds you to someone or alienates you from someone is a serious choice and should be considered carefully. I don't, generally, make such choices (though sometimes they're made for me). I'd rather wait, keep my cards close to my vest, and see how things develop. I think I'm happier that way and I hopefully (certainly?) make few enemies.

With few exceptions choices, while not entirely reversible, can be "fixed". I can choose to never eat a hotdog with jalapeños again (and save my poor digestive system), I can choose to always buckle my seat belt after a car accident, I can choose to divorce my wife or husband (not pleasant, but it is a "fix"), I can choose to forgive someone for something perceived as "unforgivable", I can choose to always drink gin and never drink tequila, I can choose to always fly from Nashville and never from Memphis, I can give people second chances and I can accept second chances from others.

Technorati Tags:choices, consequences, repercussions, decisions